Unlike the male body, the female body is scrutinized throughout its life.
It is scrutinized by society from childhood – a little girl must be pretty, a teenager must be feminine, and a woman must be sexy and fertile – until the great invisibility of maturity.
The female body is also scrutinized by medicine. The arrival of menstruation often leads to a gynecological appointment which will be the first of many, and the arrival of menopause, which is still taboo, often causes incomprehension and discomfort among a large majority of women.
Our socialization is at the root of these differences in perceptions of the male and female bodies, as we have seen here. All this explains why the female body is also scrutinized throughout its life by… women themselves.
Our socialization is also at the root of the different behavioral expectations placed on men and women.
This differential socialization begins in early childhood (toys, colors, specific interests, physical appearance) and is accentuated during adolescence by typical behaviors. While boys are more often inclined to use confrontation and assert group dominance, girls are more inclined to use language as a social connection and emotional support as the foundation of collaborative relationships. In fact, many women develop domestic qualities (which explains the mental load), listening, support and empathy.
At fifty – the age at which women report being happiest according to surveys – an unnoticed revolution may be taking place. The comprehension of the unfoundedness of society’s expectations towards women is better, the education of the children is done and the many years spent juggling the pursuit of personal fulfillment with managing a family that may also include a man-child to care for too, can create a saturation effect that allows women to free themselves from certain social expectations.
The reality is that at 50ish, when one is lucky and lucid and has a brain, one no longer gives a fuck about this bullshit – pardon my French.
Son: No, but it’s not possible, Mom!
You want to leave Dad and leave with the neighbor.
No, but I can’t believe it! It’s not possible!
Mother: Listen, Victor, stop. Stop right now.
Shut up and listen to me.
Okay? So listen carefully:
Your job problems, your problems with your wife, your money problems, your problems in general and in particular, I couldn’t care less, do you hear me?
I don’t care, I really don’t care, I can’t tell you how much I don’t care.
I really don’t give a shit.
Victor: Damn, it’s unbelievable: my own mother doesn’t care about my problems?
Mother: I’ll tell you even better: not only do I not care about your problems, but I also don’t care about your sister’s problems, I couldn’t care less… Wait, there’s something even funnier: I couldn’t care less about your father’s problems.
Victor: But I can’t believe it!
Mother: For thirty years, I’ve wiped you, fed you, put you to bed, gotten you up, and consoled all three of you.
I’ve ironed your shirts, washed your underwear, and supervised your studies.
I’ve racked my brain for you, I’ve lived only for you, only through you.
I’ve listened to all your stories, your problems, and your sorrows, without ever bothering you with mine.
So now, I’m retiring.
You have a long life ahead of you to resolve your crisis;
I have very little time left to resolve mine.
So, for once, you’ll allow me to mind my own business before yours.
Maria Pacôme and Vincent Lindon in “The Crisis” by Coline Serreau, 1992
Blessed Maria Pacôme! The dialogue, written by French movie maker Coline Serreau more than thirty years ago, should serve as a punchline for any mature woman. There’s a time to take care of others, there’s a time to take care of oneself. There’s a time to conform to societal expectations, there’s a time to break free from them.
The secret to a mature life well lived probably lies in aligning one’s opinions, feelings, and actions.
The secret to a mature life well lived probably lies in the comfort one has in being oneself, the comfort one has in being with oneself.
In fact, any adherence to stupid standards and any comparison become absolutely superfluous.
You have wrinkles? It seems logical, and this should be celebrated rather than vilified, as it has been said here before. Besides, do you really want to return to your twenties?
You have wrinkles? Stop with 408-step skincare routines: if a miracle product magically removed wrinkles, everyone would know about it. A skincare cream is made up of 60 to 95% water, eat cucumber instead. Keep it simple, simplicity is the key to everything in life: a good moisturizer, exercise, water: no one needs more. The rest is just shitty marketing.
You have cellulite? This seems logical if you’re Caucasian – 9 out of 10 women have cellulite.
Besides, breaking news, only women see cellulite, we’ve been trained to detect it – men don’t even see it. Ask your lover if you have cellulite, you’ll be surprised by his answer.
Besides, breaking news again: fat is life. Without fat, the female body is incapable of carrying a child. I also assure you that maturity on the faces of overly thin women has something cadaverous.
Finally, let’s stop comparing ourselves to each other.
First of all, what works for one won’t necessarily work for another. The feeling of failure that comes from comparison (it works for her, it doesn’t work for me, and it’s necessarily my fault) is irrelevant. It’s up to each person to find the lifestyle, facial care, sports, etc. that suit them.
Secondly, one must maintain a healthy distance from social media, especially Instagram. The latter has probably further sharpened the instinct for comparison that women have been trained to have.
Thanks to its filters and the various edits that can be made to a photo or video, Instagram presents a youthful, smooth, and heavily made-up femininity.
And yet Demi Moore, whom I love infinitely and find absolutely stunning, in reality looks nothing like her filtered Instagram photos and videos.
And yet all those ultra-made-up women on Instagram certainly don’t go out like that to work.
And yet all those women who adorn themselves in extravagant and sumptuous outfits in front of the camera and in the privacy of their bedrooms certainly don’t go out like that to work.
And yet no one will run into these dreamlike Instagram women on the streets, on the subway, or at work.
Beyond social media and the plastic and cosmetic aspects of our lives, let’s remember that each person has his/her/their own life path and that it is in no way comparable to that of others.
Once you understand all this, what a liberation. There’s no need to conform or compare yourself – you just have to be yourself, live your life, follow your path, and it’s very personal.
Once you understand that, you don’t give a fuck about this bullshit anymore – pardon my French.
Monoprix coat – Vintage Alain Figaret scarf – Armani sunglasses – Falconeri jumper – Vintage jeans – Dior handbag – Vintage Chanel brooch – Sézane shoes – Maison Fabre gloves
January 16, 2026
