As I turned 49, what would I have liked to have been told at 18? That life is not a straight line, that life is not linear. That life is made of ups, downs, turns, surprises. Slowness and acceleration.
That happiness is not a permanent state, that it does not depend on a social milestone – whether marriage, baby, job or other.
That the deep happiness which animates us as beings, which exists and persists despite turmoil, can be a permanent state.
That happiness has degrees that go from intense to simple, and that simple happiness is already happiness and that it must be appreciated as such.
That the definition of happiness is very personal. That some see in the word happiness a peaceful and quiet home while others will see it as incessant adventure and risk.
That detachment from ego and balance in everything are the very deep sources of happiness.
That love can take a thousand forms. That love evolves. That we can love people differently depending on the period of our life, that a lover can become a friend with whom there is no other issue than benevolence, that a child becomes an autonomous adult with whom we can exchange on an equal basis.
That nothing is serious, except the irremediable, that is to say health.
That physical health is directly linked to mental health and vice versa. That the sport I was introduced to as a child would save my mental health as an adult.
That some people you meet stay forever and whatever happens, while others leave when they no longer have a vocation to participate in your life. And both are appreciable.
That comparison and judgment of others are in vain. That everyone has their own path and that this is what makes humanity rich.
That finding yourself, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, knowing why you act the way you act, what emotional necessity responds to a particular action or reaction is arduous work, sometimes painful, but ultimately it is the only which counts.
That accepting that the wounded child that we may have been no longer unconsciously directs the actions of the adult that we are today is the most saving work that we can do.
That priorities change, that one’s own achievement in work is certainly very satisfactory but that one’s own achievement in life is even more so.
That having is never worth the simple fact of being, that the material is fleeting and uninteresting, while the construction of one’s own spirituality is permanent and exciting.
That real and sincere communication with others and with oneself, stripped of appearances and postures, is the key to any successful life. That a large majority of people live in the world of appearances, whether material or emotional.
That some people see themselves as they would like to be. That certain people see you as they would like you to be because the reflection of themselves that you send back to them satisfies them.
That some people will never see you as you are, will never look at you for real. That it’s their problem, not yours.
That you often have to forgive in order to move forward. But it should not be completely forgotten because it provides information about the human quality of people and allows us to build a personal philosophy of human behavior.
That the beauty standards so glorified by our societies are ephemeral and will never have the impact of charisma and magnetism. That you have to accumulate a lifetime to be charismatic and magnetic.
That life has a certain talent for throwing in your face the personal challenge that you precisely needed at that moment, the one that comes to get you deep down, that forces you to question yourself, to improve yourself, to overcome and break out of your limited thought patterns.
That people change, because everything in this world is synonymous to change and they themselves are faced with challenges that move them forward.
That some people will never change, but that’s their problem, not yours.
That constant adaptability is the greatest form of intelligence. That everything can change for the worse or for the better in the blink of an eye and that each turn must be approached with philosophy and relativity.
That what often saves us is intelligent kindness, empathy and a real effort to understand others. But you also have to know how to decide when an idiot remains an idiot. That you have to get the idiots out of your life at all costs. That it’s their problem if they’re stupid, not yours.
That a life is not written over 10 years or 20 years, but over a whole lifetime.
That from the greatest failures can come greater successes, as long as we learn life lessons from them.
That everything is just anticipation. Everything shall be duly prepared, everything shall be duly worked on, whether intellectual, physical or emotional.
But control is illusory. Always hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
That my mother, whom I loved with a self-centered and careless love when I was a teenager, was then an anonymous heroine and an everyday fighter whom I should have loved as such since the beginning.
That becoming a single mother also implies, beyond the great and small daily joys, forgetting oneself, sacrificing oneself and becoming invisible for at least ten years. But one can regain a place as a full-fledged individual in the world afterwards, if one anticipates it and works for it.
That I would have benefited from being more tolerant.
That what we call courage is often pure unconsciousness. Which is good.
That unawareness of the danger or the consequences also helps us move forward.
That people leave and we never told them enough how great, incredible, wonderful they were and how much we loved them.
That life goes by too quickly and that we must savor it, always, all the time.
Needle & Thread dress – Dior heels
December 29, 2023
